Thursday, February 28, 2013

Holding our breath!

Jacob has purchased his tickets to fly over for the visa appointment!

I thought having a plan would get me excited, but instead I felt, all of the sudden, very frustrated and angry. I couldn't bear counting down the days, I wanted this whole ordeal done now.  I guess my patience and optomism ran completely out with this last complication. For a couple of days I just felt like I was under a dark cloud.

But earlier this week the sweet care of my family and friends softened my heart. Then I read the boys Lenten devotional: first about Jesus walking on water (Matthew 14:22-36), and then the scripture about faith as small as a mustard seed moving mountains (Matthew 17:20). As I first read to the boys about Peter stepping out of the boat and getting frightened by the wind, I got emotional. I saw myself in Peter, how sure I felt stepping out of this metaphoric boat, exercising great faith at first. But now, like Peter, I felt afraid of harm, I was weak, yet Jesus reaches out for us nonetheless and has compassion and mercy to keep us from sinking. Then the next devotional reminding us what even a little faith can see because the one we trust is so great.

Last night, as I was about to fall asleep, I thought to myself, "I'm going to have faith that good WILL happen on this trip." I tend to protect myself by being pessimistic, generally. I've jokingly said in the past that I'd rather be suprised than dissapointed. What actually happens is that I expect God to give me just enough to get by, or something that will require me to work really hard to get it to eventually be something good.  But over and over, God blesses me way beyond my expectations.  It is not a pleasant suprise so much as it is a humbling realization of my small faith.

So this time I am hopeful and having faith that God will bless our family, and care for my heart if it does not look exactly like I expect. I'm turning my eyes back to Jesus to be reminded of his great love and power, and I know all will be well with my soul (love that hymn) if I keep my eyes on Jesus. (Sounds kinda of religiously corny I guess, but I mean it from the deepest, truest part of myself.)

Continue to pray for us and the Embassy officials deciding his visa case. Thanks for your support again.

1 comment:

  1. beautifully written. can't wait to meet this little one!