Of coarse it would come on a Friday afternoon, where we would have to wait all weekend to contact our agency about and get any more information. The good part of that is the only place to turn is God. I was pretty anxious Friday night, just trying through willpower to not completely freak out. This morning my heart still felt heavy. Jacob and I prayed together and I released some pent-up tears. It was really good to verbalize and remind myself more strongly what is true about who God is, his purposes, promises, and power in our lives. It was really freeing to recognize that God is the one who has given me this heart for children and my desire to bring a child in need into our family, and that he has given me this for his purposes. So I will trust him, because it is his plan, not mine at work here. My plans don't turn out much of the time, but his are established before the foundation of the earth! It may not be easy, it may be painful, but his plans are good and glorious and high above anything I could construct. All this to say, regaining an eternal perspective on my temporal circumstances is bringing back to a resting place in Christ and a peace and patience through the uncertainty of this process.
We are still so far along. This wait and delay are such a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things and Enam coming home is just on the other side. And if he is not, we trust God's goodness and divine wisdom in all of our lives. Already, I'm filled with gratefulness for the grace to know the goodness of God and the promises we have to hold on to when life gets messy. He's replaced my anxiety about plans crumbling with a wonder at his great power.
So now, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, we press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Phillippians 3:13-14).
I've decided to continue on with Enam's blanket and I bought some fleece fabric on sale today (considered that a sign to proceed). It really helps me to have a hands-on way to express my love for him. Its not put together yet, but below is a basic plan. I was told this batik fabric's symbols mean "back to your roots", "bravery" and "God is King." I think that's fitting :).
***Update: Our in country contact thinks they can get the documentation we need by the end of the week! I hope that is so!***